Now more than ever as a society we are seeing the (way) less than awesome effects of a culture that's possessed by Doing. From the simplest greeting, "Hey how are you doing?" or "How's it going?". These language frameworks literally set us up for choosing to express ourselves from a place of Doing vs. from BEING. So, before I go much further, I want to make sure that you know I'm not putting down Doing. Doing is AWESOME. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Doing, taking action, getting stuff done, making it to the finish line, etc. But Doing wouldn't have any ground to stand on with out my First Love: Being.
If we look at this from the yogic perspective we would notice that Doing emerges from Yang, or masculine energy. It's energy that is being directed for some purpose. Being exists in the Yin, or feminine energy. This energy is about allowing, experiencing, feeling, listening. So, bringing the language piece back in for a moment, if we are wanting to tap into being our greeting would change from "How are you doing?" to "How are you feeling?".
I'm curious....go ahead and imagine your response to the doing vs. being greeting. How is your response different? Do you share more openly one way or the other? Do you experience yourself coming from the same place or different places ? When I play with this, the difference is pretty dramatic. "How are you doing" implies anything I may or may not be doing in my life--out there, externally whereas "How are you feeling" invites me to share my experiencing of both my inner (emotional) and outer (conceptual) worlds.
So how do you know if you are in more of one than the other?
Here are some ways to check in with yourself:
• Am I relaxed or tense in this moment?
• Am I aware of my breathing? Does my breathing feel good to me?
• Am I overly concerned with what other people are thinking about me?
• Can I sit for a few min and simply inJoy the moment as it is (without phone in hand) ? or does that take effort?
• When I think of myself as a being do I include my whole body or am I really only aware myself from the neck up?
• Is the pace of my thoughts rapid or is there spaciousness between thoughts?
• So the #1 way to tell if you are in Being or Doing or not is check in with your level of connection to your whole body and the state of that connection--is it a relaxed and open connection? or not?
When we are in a state of Being we are also experiencing ourselves in a Parasympathetic state which is the body's "rest and digest" setting. In this state we are conserving energy instead of spending the body's resources. In Doing we are accessing the Sympathetic nervous system which is really good for stuff like meeting deadlines, not being eaten by tigers, and driving in traffic. It's GREAT for helping us in fight / flight/ or freeze situations.
Sound like the kind of state you'd want to be in for intimacy, sex, or relationships? Yet, how many times have you experienced this Doing framework operating in intimate settings like the bedroom, or on a date? I can honestly say that it is a huge turn-off for me when I'm with someone who can't seem to allow a moment of silence or stillness in our relating space. All I can feel is the energy of "what's next" beaming out of them instead of what's NOW. The NOW is where it's at folks. The NOW is where authentic Eros emerges. Your overly Doing / Thinking / Analyzing Mind is what squelches the natural flow of connection that wants to happen as well as shuts down your body's ability to respond to PLEASURE. YEP. Body not responding how you want it to in intimacy or sex? You probably don't need a pill, but rather need to hone your ability to BE fully in your Body Rightttt herrreeeeeee. There is enough right here and now. You are enough in this moment. We are more than enough.
After all... we aren't called Human Doings. Are we?
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